Why?

Last week was one of those weeks where I found myself continuously asking “why?”.

• Why is Bumblebee regressing and pooing in his pants again?
• Why do we not have water? And/or electricity for that matter?
• Why is it when one child behaves the other one becomes a fully fledged monster of hell?
• Why do my boys resemble evil creatures of doom when they insist on waking up at 4:30am EVERY morning last week?
• Why did I think three kids was a good idea?*
• Heck, why did I think kids was a good idea full stop? **
• Why is it my boys suddenly find the game of all games just before bedtime, when an hour before they couldn’t stop whining about how boring their lives are?!
• Why is booze fattening?
• Why is all nice food fattening?

Our laundry has been on the line since Friday afternoon so I think that pretty much sums up my life at the moment….yay for wine time!

 

* and **. Don’t get me wrong, I love, cherish and adore my three children but my goodness, there are some days when I want to run for the hills!

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Simple Pleasures

Every time I want to write about the bird feeder D built me, something comes up. Tantrums. Sulks. Sickness. Tiredness.  Teething. And so on and so forth.

This time it is the 19 hour power failure we had on our street over the weekend. And the fact that we had no water whatsoever yesterday. But tonight I refuse to dwell on that…probably because I am too tired to be inspired to write about disastrous occasions.

D has built me a lovely bird feeder that he drilled into an old peach tree that hadn’t given us fruit in five years. He then drilled four nails into it so that I push the fruit, bread or vegetable into them so that they don’t fall off. The birds love it! And we love it!

The kids and I watch with great interest as a family of Grey Louries arrive, then two Crested Barbet and sometimes a weaver, thrush or robin will grace the feeder. Of course those awful Myna birds also grace the bird feeder but the Crested Barbet promptly chase them off.

Watching the birds reminds me to take joy in the little things, especially when the shit is hitting the fan all around you!

Happy First Birthday, Bug!

If you only knew how much work went into creating you! Ten months of solid baby making that was generally very unpleasant for me and awesome for your daddy. Every single old wives tale out there, we did it…and then some. I have never eaten so much broccoli and spinach in my life! But something must have worked because we conceived you, an amazing little girl.

Happy happy birthday! My Bug, I always knew I was meant to have two boys and a girl and now we are done. When I had Monkey and Bumblebee I still felt like there was something missing, like there was still a missing piece of the puzzle but you finished that puzzle when you were born today, a year ago. I am 100% content.

I could not have asked for a better daughter, and like your brothers I look forward to watching you grow and develop.  I cherish every cuddle you give me, every smile and giggle makes my heart soar and honestly, I wouldn’t change anything!

I love you my cuddlebug and thank you for being in my life. You are just wonderful.

 

Over It

I am over this week

I am over been called a mean mummy

I am over Bumblebee’s mood swings

I am over being screamed at

I am over being called naughty

I am over having things thrown at me, tongues pulled at me

I am over telling Bumblebee to stop biting his sister, to stop making her cry, to stop choking her

I am over the tantrums

I am over the “its not fair” coming out of Monkey’s mouth when it comes to anything that he doesn’t like

I am so fucking over this week I could fill a bathtub with wine and drink it empty. But I won’t. I will full the pool instead!

Cursed

I think we need to stop taking holidays.

I think we need to stay at home, quarantine ourselves, order takeaways and watch TV 24/7 because honestly, after these past few holidays I am scared for the next one. Although the idea of staying at home with three kids doesn’t exactly fill me with glee either.

We went to Clarens for half term, to visit GaGa’s farm. GaGa being my mum. Once upon a time Monkey could only call her Gggghhhhh and then somehow that became GaGa and it has stuck…probably because we drive her GaGa! Hahahaha!

The first four days of this holiday were spent in front on the TV where neither of my boys wanted to eat or even move. For them not to eat you must know how ill they feel – they love food, all food, and generally they are always hungry. Bumblebee usually watches TV for maybe 20 minutes and then he is off. Not this time. The two of them looked like zombies, except for their rosy feverish cheeks. Off to the doctor and Monkey has a major ear infection, Bumblebee has tonsillitis and D has a severe chest infection. On antibiotics they go….I have actually lost count how many times Monkey has been on antibiotics this year. I have never known him to be this sick so often. Usually he bounces back after a day or two but not this year. The poor thing.

Bumblebee went missing again. It seems to be a thing he likes to do on holiday.

He took himself out of my mum’s property and up to the main road because he wanted to find Monkey and GaGa, who had gone to buy biltong…it took me ten minutes to realise where he had gone and then another five minutes of sprinting with Bug in my arms to get to him before reached the main road. I won’t repeat what I said to him but the forbidden no-no words were used and I think he finally understood what it does to me…the little shit!

Needless to say, we are all shattered. Again.

Bring on August holidays…or don’t. Perhaps we should holiday at a wine farm because at least that way D and I will get some enjoyment out of our cursed holidays!

Back in Time

Sometimes I wish I could go travel back in time to the me as a first time parent and shake her around a bit. I often think about Monkey’s early weeks and I want to cry. Cry for my first boy who was born to a woman who knew absolutely nothing about babies, and looking back was ridiculously selfish.

I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t just go to sleep – like my dogs did? And why didn’t he stay asleep when I finally managed to make him fall asleep? My anger was aimed at this little person who only wanted to be loved and at that time, I struggled to give it. I didn’t want to rock him to sleep, I didn’t want to hold him for hours on end. I wanted my life back. The life where I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. I didn’t want him.

I will say it again…I didn’t want my own child. And feeling like that broke me. I couldn’t understand why I felt like that because all I had ever wanted was to be a mum. Truthfully, I thought it would be better, I thought it would be like those goddamn movies where the baby sleeps and the mum looks dreamily on.

I probably should have sought out help earlier but I didn’t. It turned out that I didn’t have post partum depression per se, but my thyroid had taken such a beating during the pregnancy that it was wreaking havoc on my hormones and my life in general. Once I treated my thyroid then parenting became better. Then I was only too happy to hold Monkey until he fell asleep, only too happy to watch him grow but also sad at the same time because I wish I had found help sooner.

I wish I had done pretty much everything differently with him but I suppose becoming a parent is a learning curve for everyone, and throw in out of whack hormones and its one hell of a disaster. Every day I try make up for those first few months and we have a wonderful relationship now, one that I treasure.

I watch him maturing and my heart soars with pride, and it sinks a little lower because I know one day I will watch him walk out of our front door on a grand adventure called LIFE. But he is an amazing little boy and I know he will be an amazing man one day.

 

The Terrible T’s

Teething

Tantrums

Tiredness

 

They are all bad in their own right, combined they are nightmarish. Thankfully Bug has not started throwing tantrums, she is all teething and tiredness since she has forgone her afternoon nap these past few days.

All three of my children have reacted to tiredness in different ways, with Bug coming out on tops for behaving less horrifically than her brothers. This may change as she gets older but for now when she is tired she tends to fall asleep wherever she may be — even sitting in her high chair. These past couple of days I have been shovelling her dinner in as quickly as possible to avoid such a thing happening again.

Monkey has gotten better as he gets older but whooweee when he was younger it was all tantrums and tiredness…He would throw a tantrum about being tired and this would be a couple of hours before bedtime! I remember looking at my watch and wondering how five minutes took an hour to pass?!

Bumblebee used to handle his tiredness very well but recently he has become somewhat belligerent. For example tonight he took one look at dinner, threw himself on the floor declaring he hated it and it was disgusting…all without actually tasting it. Good thing my glass of wine was already in my hand because smacking is now illegal in South Africa.

I know with time, these things all get better. I know this. But my goodness I look forward to wine time on days like these!